I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
