what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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