people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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