Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
