im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
