Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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