he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
