she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
