Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
