the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
