Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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