If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
