I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
