I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
