Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have post one night stand depression
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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