I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
do herpes really smell.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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