Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
