Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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