my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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