The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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