Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
