You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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