Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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