you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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