Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
