Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
