the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
