doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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