you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
