Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
