she looked like the bat from fern gully.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
