Yo dont text me then not text me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
