the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you made out with another girl for some wings
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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