I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
