Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
