Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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