Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
