Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
