she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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