u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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