there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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