apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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