I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
