maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
