good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
