JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
