I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
