If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
