Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
