you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A bitchslap is in order.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
